Dream eater

"I expect nothing. I fear no one. I am free."

"The thing about life is that you must survive. Life is going to be difficult, and dreadful things will happen. What you do is move along, get on with it, and be tough. Not in the sense of being mean to others, but being tough with yourself and making a deadly effort not to be defeated."

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It seems I always write well when something’s the matter or if I’m drunk. Which is totally unfair. I can’t just wait for bad things to happen in my life just so I can have some writing inspration. That’s fucking stupid.


"

Ten Women I Have Been Warned Against Becoming:

1. The Girl Who Takes Up Too Much Space, always, her shoulders too wide in stairwells, her hips too big in doorways, her voice too loud in classes. This woman does not understand the art of crumbling, of curling herself tight like the spiral of a fern, soft, delicate, unwilling to reach out the ivy of her fingers to grasp onto what should rightfully be hers. This is a beast, an elephant, a moving mountain and she is capable of flattening you, she is capable of ruining you, she is capable of making you feel as small and insignificant in her life as she is supposed to be. You are this woman’s footnote to history, you are her side note in song lyrics, you are constantly interrupted by her with a witty joke you wish you thought of. I asked what the problem was with being a steamroller instead of a sunflower and I was laughed down.

2. The Beautiful One, the long hair or the slim waist or the pretty eyes or the lips like bowstrings. This woman looks good in everything because she’s confident in whatever you put her in. She’ll cut her hair short on you no matter how you like it, she’ll wear high heels and step on your opinions, she’ll look hot as hell no matter what size she is. See, the reason you can’t trust her is because women like this don’t need your permission, they’ll do as they please and get away with it. They’ll say no to you, over and over. Teach your daughters that beautiful means dangerous, teach them to distrust women who love themselves. Equate beautiful with vapid, equate pretty with stupid, take their power from them. Say they’re vain for their makeup, refuse to see them without it. These women are snakes, they are serpents. I said maybe the problem lies with you being unable to control yourself and was told to get off my pedestal.

3. A Bitch. Women are supposed to be ladies in the street but will tear skin under sheets. I’m told: Never raise your voice. Speak gently. Submit. Hold your opinion against your lips and when you admit to it, make sure it comes out as a butterfly wing suggestion. Don’t disagree. Don’t undermine someone else’s authority, regardless of whether or not they deserve your respect. Someone touches you, just move away from them. Don’t hit. Don’t talk back. Be like the ruins of Rome, only beautiful if you can’t hear your quiet death.

4. The Needy One. I have heard how others spit when they talk about how she gave you everything and you shoved it back down her throat until she choked on it, until she came back crawling and asked you what she did, until her palms and knees were scraped for want of just a little affection - never be this woman, I’m told, because she’s a joke and the joke is that she dared to have more emotion than you did. The truth is, I’m told, the one who cares less in a partnership is the one who wins. I didn’t know this was a competition.

5. The Cock Tease, certified stripper, how dare that girl look like that and not want me to sleep with her. Lust is always personified as a lady in red with a dress slit up her thigh. Lust is sinful because it’s power, it’s not asking for attention - it’s demanding it. I’m told she is the worst kind of woman, that looking good is supposed to be some kind of shame on her kin. I’m told not to leave the house in such a short skirt, not with a shirt so low, not with a lace back, not with high heels, not dressed like that. My lipstick can’t be too red, my hair can’t be too mussed, I can’t just “turn someone on like that and then leave them wanting.” I mentioned that instant gratification actually ruins our psyche and was told that being led on was “exhausting.” I said that there was a difference between purposefully tricking someone into liking you and just being attractive or friendly. I was told there’s also a difference between coffee and tea but both result in caffeine. I said, “I’ve been turned on in class by the girls I talk to but I didn’t expect anything from them,” and they said, “It’s different, you’re not a man,” but couldn’t explain where that difference was.

6. A Slut, obviously ruined by another person’s touch. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s actually been with, it’s all about the rumors she carries with her. Easy. Harlot. You’ll still try to get with her, you’ll still take her into your bed and kiss her and say things you don’t mean - but you’ll defame her name when you talk to your buddies. My father used to say “A slut is fine for the night, but the virgin is who you take home and marry.” Maybe he didn’t know he was teaching his daughter to hate her sexuality. Maybe he didn’t know that every time she’d be kissed, her whole system would shake until she felt ready to combust, shame and self-hatred shivering against her spine. Maybe he didn’t know she’d disconnect emotions and sex because he always told her, “Boys are different, they won’t care about you.” Nobody said to her that it was okay to experiment. See, the funny thing is, I’m a dancer so I know exactly where my center of gravity is. I know how hard I’ll fall in each direction. Yet out of fear of getting hurt, I won’t let a single person inside of my bed.

7. The Soulmate. Never love romance more than you love being cynical. Never show weakness, never like pink, never think maybe you might find someone nice and settle down with them. Someone will find you, I was told, And if you’re lucky, he’ll put up with you when you start getting old. Never be the woman who believes in happily ever after, never be dumb enough to think maybe someone could love you after all of your mistakes. It has nothing to do with whether or not a family is important to you and you’re in a good place where a relationship would make your life better - you’re not a princess. You don’t get married, you settle.

8. The Girl With Strength, who can outrun everyone and who is stronger than her boyfriend. “See the thing about boys,” says my daddy, “Is that you have to let them win.” I sat at home and read stories about Artemis and wanted to become the huntress, too. I wanted to howl at the moon, I wanted to slay the beasts that bested me, I wanted to rule my kingdom with bloody fists. But girls are never athletes, never supposed to be “built,” regardless of the fact civilizations were constructed on our spines and we made homes in war by the steel of our ribs. Never be strong. We are supposed to wilt.

9. The Lady CEO: because if you choose work over family, are you really a girl? How dare you fight your way to the top through every pair of eyes that bore through your blouse, through every meeting where you were hushed by the sound of someone else talking, through every time someone called you “sweetie,” how dare you yearn for something. Is your husband the stay-at-home one? I can’t imagine how that is going. He’s not a real man, after all. I don’t give it long before the divorce. How dare you decide you’re happy being single. Don’t you know you’re supposed to bear children. Where is your honor? Where is your wisdom? Who cares if you are the leader, the best suited for your position, the quickest-thinking, the one who makes the hardest clients come back again. Don’t you see? Across history, women have been terrible at success. They always lose their man in the end. (When I said, “I would rather be a famous author than a mediocre mother,” I was told, “No, don’t worry, you’ll be a fine mommy.”)

10. THE GIRL I AM: FIRECRACKER AND DON’T YOU FUCKING FORGET IT I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS AND I WON’T FUCKING REGRET IT I’M NOT YOUR PRETTY GIRL I’M NOT YOUR ANYTHING I’M PERFECT, MOTHERFUCKER, AND I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE UP WHAT I’M DOING. I DON’T WANT TO BE “LADYLIKE” THAT LITERALLY MEANS NOTHING I’M NOT GOING TO STOP STANDING UP AND DEMANDING WHAT’S COMING TO ME. I’M GONNA BE SOMEBODY. I’M GONNA MAKE THEM REMEMBER ME. I REFUSE TO BE OVERSHADOWED IN HISTORY. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE TRYING TO CREATE BUT YOU MADE ME A DRAGON YOU PUT ME IN THE FIRE AND WHEN I STOPPED BURNING I LEARNED HOW TO GLOW DON’T THINK YOU CAN STOP ME YOU CAN’T TAME A TORNADO.

"

- In respectful response to a poem tilted, “Ten men women have warned me against becoming." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

(via idaida)


"I think we still live in a culture that assumes that men are single by choice and women are single because no one wants them."

- Sara Eckel, This is Why You’re Still Single (It’s Not Why You Think)  (via aprettypastiche)

(Source: live-to-the-point-of-tears, via bibiliposuperlover)


byacolate:

fics that aren’t blatantly bad, just good enough that you get hooked with the plot before you hit all the “no no no they wouldn’t have said that no absolutely not, not that way, not in that tone; why is he doing that; I don’t understand how you could interpret that character this way whether they’re secondary or not; in what universe is that a believable course of action; what is proper dialogue punctuation” like the equivalent of fanfiction speedbumps

(via geeky-fangirl)


czerwik:

Just coloring stuff to warm up before doing some requests. And… Ok, so pastel!Marco & punk!Jean are now ruining my life. Mouse, I blame you. ;A; Btw, I dunno why do I put Connie literally everywhere I can, every single au. ____________Ah! I’m so sorry guys I can’t respond to your messages at once,- need to share my time between my family, friends and guests (Eastertiemuhh), drawing and tumblr activities. ;u; 

czerwik:

Just coloring stuff to warm up before doing some requests. And… Ok, so pastel!Marco & punk!Jean are now ruining my life. Mouse, I blame you. ;A; Btw, I dunno why do I put Connie literally everywhere I can, every single au. 

____________
Ah! I’m so sorry guys I can’t respond to your messages at once,- need to share my time between my family, friends and guests (Eastertiemuhh), drawing and tumblr activities. ;u; 


(via afternoonteawithme)


Q&A, i was tagged: (sorry for the length) 

Rule 1: Always post the rules.
Rule 2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 11 new ones.
Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them to the post.
Rule 4: Actually tell them you tagged them

1. Have you ever had imaginary friends? Describe them.
When I was younger, every summer, I visited this beautiful trailer park with my mom and sister, and since we had our own trailer in the pine forest next to the sea, we stayed there the whole summer. I had a couple of friends there, who also visited the camp and one especially was kind of like a best friend to me. So one day, we were insanely bored, and me having a giant imagination as a child, I invented Tinkerbell, the fairy from Peter Pan. I said she was my invisible fairy and for the whole summer, I talked as if Tinkerbell was there, next to us, and only I could see her. I told stories about her and invented games and plots and such. And my friend loved it! She wasn’t that big on imagination, she was great at some other stuff, but stories and such wasn’t it. So she adored Tinkerbell. And after a while, I saw her get a bit sad, because she wished she had a fairy too. And at that point, I constructed a story about Tinkerbell’s friend Violet, who was her fairy, she just couldn’t see her. My friend was super excited about it. And I think at one point, I made Tinkerbell evil. And my friend’s ‘fairy’ was helping us and was on our side. xD All in all, this lasted for about 2 summers and it’s such a hillarious memory of mine.
2. What opinion do you have of your parents? Did they/are they doing a good job?
This is kind of a complicated topic and a sore spot for me. I’d rather not go into details and avoid certain things that happened. But the gist is, I don’t have a particularly good view on my dad. He left when I was little but I still see him. He’s kind of a jerk sometimes and also he ‘forgets’ to pay child support even though he has a lot of money. But sometimes, he’s ok. I do love him though, even though I really hate him. My mom’s fine. She’s nice. She’s very extroverted and naive and such, which sometimes completely clashes with me and I sometimes can’t stand the things she does and says. But I do love her a lot more than my dad, especially since she practically brought me and my sister up on her own.
3. Most frequent dream?
This one time when I was quite lucid while dreaming, I started flying in the dream. And now whenever I’m semi aware that I’m in fact, not awake, I suddenly think: ohh, hey, i’m dreaming, therefore I can totes fly, right? So that’s a pretty common thing that happens. It’s very complicated though. Dreams are odd and even when I want to fly sometimes things just don’t work and I can’t do it. Also the fact that I’m aware of dreaming doesn’t much change things. Somehow in the dream, i don’t care about the things I wanted to try when I was awake and thought of lucid dreaming. I suppose in dreams, your feelings and way of thinking is different.
4. What attracts you in people? Not only in a romantic or sexual way, in general who would you talk to? Intelligence. Not in a grades kind of way but in a “I’m quick on my feet, capable and smart in my decisions and choice of words.” I love people who I can have an open minded deep conversations with. What attracts me as well is when a person knows how to be quiet and doesn’t have to be social all the time, but when they are, they don’t have a big problem with it and converse easily. Dunno why. It’s just something I like.
5. Favourite tv-series? I’ve got loads and they change pretty frequently. The current ones are ‘The game of thrones’ and ‘Perception’.
6. Ever heard voices? I don’t think I did. Except this one time when I experienced sleep paralysis, i heard strange noises which is pretty common as much as I’ve researched.
7. Do you have any siblings? Describe them, what you love about them, what you hate about them. I do. A sister, 16 years old - she’s annoying as heck and I dislike her immensely, because she’s a pretty self absorbed, shitty person; but lately I see I have had a good influence on her since she started being a bit more open minded (i.e. she doesn’t think homosexuality is bad anymore). I’ve two half siblings as well. Ela is three, she’s a doll, very smart and individualistic. I though she’d turn out spoilt because of my dad and her mom, but she’s changing lately and she’d starting to be very polite and kind. I love her. I also have a little half brother, Rene. He’s going to be 1 soon. He’s a cutie. His behaviour is similar to mine when I was little, than Ela’s. He’s a quiet baby.
8. Would you rather have element bending powers (Avatar the last airbender-style) or be able to fly? Frankly, as much as I’d love to fly, I was always fascinated with element bending. I used to watch and read W.i.t.c.h. as a child and I fell in love with element bending. I think I could have a lot more fun with it than just flying.
9. Favourite nature setting? (Mountains/forest/glaciers/etc.) Oh gosh, such a hard question. I have so many favourites, it’s hard to talk of them all. I suppose I love the sea the most. I am completely in awe of it and whenever I’m by the sea side, I feel good and it’s hard for me to leave. I also adore sun-lit forests that smell like rain.
10. What languages do you speak and why and how did you learn them?My mother language is Slovenian. I also speak Croatian because it’s similar to Slovenian and common to be heard here since we’re so cose to Croatia and we also visit their sea side. I’m in the learning stages of French, since it was the second language I took in highschool. I know english well, It’s required learning since about 10 years old. I’m picking up on german lately, again the german\austrian\swiss influences are to blame. That’s it I believe. I do want to learn a couple more such as Italian, Russian, and some north european language perhaps.
11. ¿Do you like these question marks?
I don’t see the point in them, to be honest, though I’m fairly sure they are used in Spain. I’ve no use for them though.
Bonus question. What part of yourself disappoints you?
Huh. That’s a question that I could discuss for a year without stopping. I’m pretty tough with myself, I expect only the best which is not what I usually get. Also the answer is contradictory since some parts of me that disappoint me, also give me pride somehow, since they make me different from the norm (for example my complete messed-up-ness (i know that’s not a word, sorry xD). I suppose I’d prefere to not run away from things when life gets stressfull. I am a pretty huge escapist. I deny the problem until the last second and then I start fixing it with my last breath. I think that’s the most disappointing thing to me currently … I’m working on it.

Thanks for tagging me. Sorry the answers are soooo long. I guess I was just in the mood to write.

My questions for the tagged are:
~ What kind of climate do you live in. Do you like it?
~ What would your perfect living situation be like? (the people, the place, the furniture, the location, etc.)
~ Is there a particular holiday that you really love? Similarly, is there one that you dislike immensely? Why?
~ How would you deal with it, if you suddenly got the power to read minds. What would you do with your power?
~ What do you do when you really need to unwind? After a long day perhaps or a stressful situation? (a certain tv show, reading, drinking, etc.)
~ What fictional character is really close to your heart?
~ Favourite candy? (it can be a type, a brand, etc.)
~ Which Hogwarts house do you think you’d be in?
~ Yummiest cuisine?
~ If you wrote a book, what kind of book would it be? What kind of topics would it tackle?
~ Is there any social issue that you’re particularly passionate about?


What kind of a stupid library is closed on sundays ;-; this is so unfair


"I’m the King in the North…"

(Source: leaveatrail, via deraekhale)


killheji:

I just need someone who understands silence the same way I do.

(via nekota-yuyuka)



Wow, okay so the Glasgow Caledonian University skype interview is done. Finito.
I’m completely in awe of how quickly it seemed to pass, even though it lasted for a good 45 minutes.
I’m worried I screwed up. My english is good but I don’t get the chance to actually speak in it every day so I might have (due to nervousness) mixed up some words sometimes, or tenses. Purely because I was searching for right ways to say things. Ugh. I hope I didn’t blow this. I really really want to go to Glas. Cal.


tagged as: #:c #university #ucas

offbeatorbit:


fujiidom:


#i’m a little bitter that tom will most likely never win anything for this role other than some stupid best villain mtv award even though he is probably the best character adaption of the entire film series HIS DRACO IS ABSOLUTELY PERFECT OKAY


#he made the character more than it was tbh #i love book draco but you don’t get to SEE his struggle so much as infer it based on harry’s rather limited POV and in the movies you get tom felton being amazing and deep and showing the downward spiral of someone who made himself incredibly vulnerable at his first meeting harry because he’s sure that all the hype his parents have been doing towards his family and his winning personality are going to garner him all the cool friends but then the years go on and everyone but slytherin hates him and then everyone but his small group of friends hates him and then he’s not even at school at all and he thinks his parents resent him for not succeeding in killing dumbledore and not helping their family get out under voldemort’s control even though those are both impossible requests for someone who is still underage you can see him try and make a decision of what’s right and what’s easy and once he starts thinking for himself you can see him leaning towards the former because none of this is what he signed up for because from the moment his school career began he’s been failing to live up to the expectations he’s set for himself so he rejects everyone around him as lesser and latches onto the one thing that his parents taught him that comes in handy and condescends to anyone who’ll listen and by the end you can see it eat away at him to the point where he’s all but begging harry to save him from dying because he’s once again failed supremely but this time he’s hit the actual rock bottom and his throat is raw from his constant need to resist swallowing his pride and all he wants is a fresh gasp of air and when his parents get him back he flees without looking back because as much as they’ve been worn out by the war draco’s been worn out by so much more in addition to that #and this all happens int he background with no more than a page of dialogue in each movie whereas the main characters have massive arcs and long lingering moments where you see them break down and build themselves back up and tom felton does it all with such cohesion and quiet brilliance that you look back and deem him a main character when he’s really been lost among the massive cast only getting a few words in edgewise and sometimes i wonder if he maybe relates to draco on a level that makes everything that much more rich and nuanced#harry potter #word vomit #spoilers #malfoys appreciation blog ‘∞

offbeatorbit:

fujiidom:

#he made the character more than it was tbh #i love book draco but you don’t get to SEE his struggle so much as infer it based on harry’s rather limited POV and in the movies you get tom felton being amazing and deep and showing the downward spiral of someone who made himself incredibly vulnerable at his first meeting harry because he’s sure that all the hype his parents have been doing towards his family and his winning personality are going to garner him all the cool friends but then the years go on and everyone but slytherin hates him and then everyone but his small group of friends hates him and then he’s not even at school at all and he thinks his parents resent him for not succeeding in killing dumbledore and not helping their family get out under voldemort’s control even though those are both impossible requests for someone who is still underage you can see him try and make a decision of what’s right and what’s easy and once he starts thinking for himself you can see him leaning towards the former because none of this is what he signed up for because from the moment his school career began he’s been failing to live up to the expectations he’s set for himself so he rejects everyone around him as lesser and latches onto the one thing that his parents taught him that comes in handy and condescends to anyone who’ll listen and by the end you can see it eat away at him to the point where he’s all but begging harry to save him from dying because he’s once again failed supremely but this time he’s hit the actual rock bottom and his throat is raw from his constant need to resist swallowing his pride and all he wants is a fresh gasp of air and when his parents get him back he flees without looking back because as much as they’ve been worn out by the war draco’s been worn out by so much more in addition to that #and this all happens int he background with no more than a page of dialogue in each movie whereas the main characters have massive arcs and long lingering moments where you see them break down and build themselves back up and tom felton does it all with such cohesion and quiet brilliance that you look back and deem him a main character when he’s really been lost among the massive cast only getting a few words in edgewise and sometimes i wonder if he maybe relates to draco on a level that makes everything that much more rich and nuanced#harry potter #word vomit #spoilers #malfoys appreciation blog ‘∞

(Source: danandblair, via nightblink)


shego:

when people are very very nice to you and make you feel good about yourself

image

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(via eren-is-levis-bitch)


Aw man, I just remembered how much I loved old Slovenian movies, especially ‘Dolina Miru’ (Valley of Peace; Sergeant Jim).
It’s about the war times in Yugoslavia (Slovenia); about two kids who’s parents were killed in an air raid and they wander off in search of a peacefull valley where they would be safe from war. An American soldier finds them and takes care of them despite being chased by the Nazis. 

I really want to re-watch it but I’m not sure where I’d be able to get a copy .. :\

wiki link

imdb link

Aw man, I just remembered how much I loved old Slovenian movies, especially ‘Dolina Miru’ (Valley of Peace; Sergeant Jim).
It’s about the war times in Yugoslavia (Slovenia); about two kids who’s parents were killed in an air raid and they wander off in search of a peacefull valley where they would be safe from war. An American soldier finds them and takes care of them despite being chased by the Nazis.

I really want to re-watch it but I’m not sure where I’d be able to get a copy .. :\

wiki link

imdb link

photo slovenia_dolina_miru_zpse6671add.jpg


Slovenia, a tiny country in central Europe, was hit especially hard by the recent economic crisis. Once a story of success, the country is now struggling with unemployment, poverty, and brain drain. Fortunately, state leaders, politicians, opinion-makers, and spiritual guides have their mouths full with sound advice for the common Slovenian. Here they are - regular, colored, queer, young and hairy - sharing what they learned from their elders.